GUESS WHAT WE HAVE IN STORE FOR 2009, GRINNED THE DEMON

Great Swamp - brochure 110 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
The father rector explained to Saint Anthony that swamps are like items in the military's budget.

Sinus, Tension or Menstrual Headaches - brochure 111 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
The demon tried to convince Saint Anthony that plagues came in threes. "Not so fast" replied the angry hermit, "One plague at a time!"

Before It Hurts - brochure 108 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Think of this as being like a Super Bowl commercial. You won't feel it for hours" promised the nasty spirit.

A NEW YEAR - NEW PLAGUES, SMILED THE DEMON

Return to Normal Breathing - brochure 108 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Preparing for the Christmas pageant, the demon asked Saint Anthony if he would like to sing the lovely castrato part.

brochure 108 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge) Texas - brochure 106 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"At the onset of the 21st century," explained Lucifer, "most plagues will come out of Texas."

Lyme Disease - brochure 109 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Ticks are a lot like irregular Latin verbs," thought Saint Anthony the Hermit.

Sex Problems After Menopause - brochure 100 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony was totally confused. He knew nothing about sex or menopause. "It's ok," said the demon, "Fox News will explain everything to you."

Senior Homecare - brochure 87 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Why is senior home care considered a plague" asked Saint Anthony. "It's shear torture if you're doing it right" giggled the demon. "No salt!"

Am I having a Seizue? - brochure 87 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Perplexed, the father abbot said to the novices, "ok, ok, maybe it is time we discuss orgasm."

Irradiation of Food - brochure 104 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Brother cook pounded his fist on the relic cabinet. "So what if it kills a few monkeys and lab rats!

A BEWILDERED SAINT ANTHONY SAW THE DEMONS BECOME EVER MORE CREATIVE.

Bacterial Vaginosis - brochure 93 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Some things," Saint Anthony mused, "are better left to nuns." The demon smiled, pointing to his knuckles.

Osteoporosis - brochure 103 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"When women stoop over too much," said the vicar general, "we have them burned at the stake."

Carbs - brochure 102 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Go on a low carb diet," suggested the demon Lola, "just pretend you are a hyena." Saint Anthony trusted very little in demons, especially when they introduced him to french fries.

Headaches - brochure 101 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
The demon showed Saint Anthony a vision of the future. "Just wait until I invent credit cards," the angel of darkness said.

THE DEMON WAS SINGING THE TWELVE PLAGUES OF CHRISTMAS

Buying a Used Car - brochure 91 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony was puzzled, since he had no idea of what "buying a used car was about.
"Oh," said the exasperated demon, "it's just like being bitten by a tse tse fly!"

Miracles - brochure 88 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Gosh," said the Abbot, "this is going to be a hard miracle to explain!"

Bad Breath May Be Gum Disease - brochure 99 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
The holy dog was appalled by Saint Anthony's breath.
"It is from eating locusts and wild honey," replied the blessed hermit.

AFTER THE HOLIDAYS, THE DEMON WOULD HAVE MORE TIME TO DREAM UP PLAGUES.

Poor Vision in Old Age - - brochure 90 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Worried about health problems in their old age, the desert monks considered moving to Canada.

Interstitial Cystitis - brochure 96 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"You will love Fox News," assured the demon to Saint Anthony, " it's a nice blend of nuts and cystitis."

Giant White Fly - brochure 89 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Like most fallen angels, Saint Anthony's demon knew a lot about flies.

Carotid Artery Disease - - brochure 98 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Don't worry about your arteries," said Father Abbot, "you don't want to end up like Jerry Springer."

DEMONS AREN'T AS DUMB AS THEY LOOK, DISCOVERED SAINT ANTHONY

Congestive Heart Failure - brochure 95 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Yeah, yeah, yeah" said the tormenter while petting his goat, "just wait until I have the Cubs go to the World Series."

Spinal Decay - brochure 94 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Libertarians," Saint Anthony learned, " will have very little spinal decay."

Attention Deficit Disorder - brochure 96 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"When I get a hold on their Congress," said the demon with determination, "they will never pay attention to deficits!"
Saint Anthony's physician replied, "Open your mouth and say ADD / ADHD!" All of this confused the young monk.

Shoot A Live Machine Gun - brochure 97 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Very soon," said the demon showing Saint Anthony his National Rifle Association membership card, "nations will be creating their own plagues, and I will cash in on some of my vacation time."

DEMONS AVOID GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALES.

Traditional and Spiritual Bodywork - brochure 81 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
"Spiritual bodywork?" Saint Anthony was convinced that this would be a West Hollywood thing.

Rosacea - brochure 80 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
"Before we called it Rosacea, we were going to call this disease Alabama," drawled the demon.

Psoriasis -- brochure 85 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
"It's the same sort of feeling that you get when you're invited to speak at a Republican women's club," scratched the abbot.

Emergency Contraception - brochure 79 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
"It is unlikely," thought Saint Anthony, "that any parish church would be called The Church of the Emergency Conception."

SAINT ANTHONY LIKED HOLIDAYS, BUT THE DEMON LIKED THEM EVEN MORE!

Osteoarthritis - brochure 82 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony discovered that burning bushes require a lot of stooping.

Meningitis - brochure 84 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
Meningitis, thought Saint Anthony, was sort of musical-sounding, like The People's Republic of Cuba.

Sign of Intelligent Life in L.A. - brochure 83 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony discovered that dealing with demons required a lot of groundwork.

Eating Disorders - brochure 86 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
The tempter got the "Evil Spirit of the Century Award" for coming up with fast foods.

ADVENT BROUGHT OUT THE WORST IN DEMONS.

Jerry Falwell - brochure 75 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
The demon gave Saint Anthony a choice, "It's either impure thoughts Tony, or spending eternity with Rev. Jerry Falwell."

Seborrhetic Dermatitis - brochure 71 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony was stumped, "Wasn't Dermatitis the Roman tax collector who worked with Pontcus Pilot?"

Seat Belts Don't Work - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"If you are going to lie," hissed the demon, "lie big, like Dick Chaney."

Skin Cancers and Precancers- brochure 73- Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"You will love the Red Sea", promised the tempter, "just rent a beach chair and get a good tan."

TORMENTS, EXPLAINED THE DEMON TO SAINT ANTHONY, AREN'T ALL THAT EASY TO INVENT.

Great Performer - brochure 77 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"In the future there will be motion pictures," explained the guardian angel, "and the mother superiors will be played by actors like Meryl Streep." Saint Anthony sighed, because he liked Meryl Streep.

Electoral College - brochure 74 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
The desert monks lived in common, and were used to democratic ways. The demon had a hell of a time trying to explain the Electoral College.

Charge Cards - brochure 72 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Charge cards," explained the siren Lola, "are a lot like Hollywood relationships - easy to get into, not so easy to get out of."

Birth Control - brochure 78 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Monastic orders should invest their endowments in companies like Gerbers and Toy R Us," advised the Father General.

INFLUENCE IS THE NAME OF THE GAME, LEARNED SAINT ANTHONY

Sleep Apnea - brochure 65 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"The threat of this keeps them alert during my sermons" said the Father Abbot smugly.

Sausage - brochure 68 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge) Sausage - brochure 68 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony was just sure that hand crafting someone's sausage was at least a venial sin.

When the Power Goes Off - brochure 70 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Without birth control," sighed the Brother Prior, "we shouldn't have to worry abut the loss of power for centuries."

Derma Peeling - brochure 69 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
The demon became agitated! "Pay attention," it shouted! "You will have to do this on your own when you get your Inquisition going!"

DEMONS AREN'T ALWAYS RELIABLE, FOUND SAINT ANTHONY

Photolumines Light - brochure 66 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"Eating tostadas will improve your inner light," promised the chubby spirit.

Lichen Planus - brochure 63 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony discovered that Lichen Planus wasn't the same as just blushing.

Shedding - brochure 64 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
Both sheep dogs and monks start shedding when they get older.

Athlete's Foot - brochure 67- Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht (click on image to enlarge)
"I could arrange it for you to be the patron saint of athlete's foot," suggested the demon to Saint Anthony.

AS CHRISTMAS APPROACHED, SO DID THE DEMON'S TORMENTS

Handling Seafood - brochure 62 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
Saint Anthony, and his fellow anchorites, never handled guppies.

Vertebral Subluxation 0 - brochure 60 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
The desert monks learned that sleeping on straw was a pain in the back.

Cathedral - - brochure 59 - Saint Anthony Art Project by Jerry Fecht - (click on image to enlarge)
Cathedral parking would be a 21st century plague, Saint Anthony discovered.